Commenters praised a man claiming in a popular internet forum that he banned his mother from his wedding after many years of estrangement.
The anonymous man, known only as u/wazzotoger12, posted about his circumstances in Reddit‘s popular “Am I The A**hole” forum where it garnered over 9,500 upvotes and 1,000 comments in one day, with many supporting the man’s decision to cut off his mom.
In the post titled “AITA for banning my dad from bringing my mom to my wedding?” the man, 24, explained that he is an only child and is getting married this summer.
Including an estranged family member on a wedding guest list can sometimes feel like an obligation. But Leah Shifrin Averick, a Chicago-based therapist, told The Knot that the decision should be based on whether or not the individual wants to rekindle the relationship.
“Yes, it’s gracious to mend fences and invite them. But it’s OK not to invite them, too,” Averick said. “Especially if the circumstances of your falling out were so horrible that you can’t forgive the person and you really don’t want anything to do with them.”
It’s important to keep in mind that a wedding is supposed to be one of the happiest days of one’s life, and if there is a possibility that a family member would sour the moment, it might not be the best idea to extend an invitation.
From the outside, he said, his parents had a seemingly good relationship. But when he was 14, his mom cheated on his dad with a family friend.
He said the affair “broke” his dad and that his mom became “unrecognizable.” He explained that his mom was very affectionate but after the affair came out she became “cold.”
“My parents tried counseling but my dad couldn’t look at her. The divorce was horrible,” the post read. My mom went after my dad so hard. Tried to get majority custody, tried to financially f**k him over too. And on top of everything she kept dating the family friend.”
The man said he told his mom that he wouldn’t deal with her if she continued dating the family friend, but she did. He said he started living with his dad full time at the age of 15.
It took years for his father to get back to how he was before the affair, the man wrote. He also said that he spoke to his mom occasionally even though she lived only a few blocks away.
The man said his mom called often and tried to meet up but that he told her to essentially “f**k off and start a new family” because he had “no interest” being around a person “like her.”
“Well 9 months ago me and Holly got engaged. My dad asked if I planned on letting my mom know. I told him I didn’t and I wouldn’t be inviting her to the wedding,” the post read. Well I guess he took it upon himself to call my mom up and inform her. And then they started talking.”
About three months ago, the man went to his dad’s house and saw his mother there. In the post, he claimed that his parents sat him down and told him that they started dating.
“I called him dumb, pathetic and reminded him of all the things mom did to him,” the post read. “How she’s prolly only back because she’s out of money and places to go. My mom tried to intervene and I told her to STFU.”
He told his father he could do whatever he wanted but he wouldn’t necessarily support it. He said that since both of them worked to get his dad back to himself after the affair, he felt that his dad wasn’t valuing either of them with his choices.
The man said his mom was trying to get an invitation to the wedding, but he told his dad that his invite is for a plus one as long as it is anyone other than his mom.
His relatives told him his dad is “distraught” and said that his father felt that he had to “choose between his only child and his wife.”
But the man told his dad that this was how things were going to be from now on, including holidays. His mom’s side of the family started “trashing him” and he told them that if they did not understand his position, they shouldn’t show up to the wedding.
“So I uninvited all the relatives that were giving me shit on my moms side,” the post read. “My fiancé is totaling [sic] understanding. But we wanna make sure so we made this post. AITA?”
Thousands flocked to the comments section with many praising the man for standing his ground and others supporting his decision to cut his mom out of his life completely.
“You have the right to decide who you want to be in your life,” one user commented. “After 9 years of estrangement, you can’t be expected to easily welcome her back into your life.”
“Really nice to see that I am not the only one that is proud of OP standing up for his believes [sic],” another comment read. “He has guts and strong morals that many people lack.”
Another user suggested that the man take the necessary precautions to ensure his mom doesn’t try to sneak into the wedding.
“nta i would hire security if the mom or her family try to be sneaky,” one user suggested.
“Already been hired,” the man replied to the commenter. “I’ve threatened my mom with legal action if she try’s [sic] to show up or contact us.”
Some also thought his mom was likely dating his dad for ulterior motives, including getting an invitation to the wedding.
“Very likely that the mom is only dating the dad again to secure an invite and is not actually interested in having a relationship with him,” one user commented.
Newsweek contacted u/wazzotoger12 but did not receive comment in time for publication.
Highwaystarz-Photography/iStock