So here are seven ways to avoid common faux pas at your upcoming events.
Sit toward the front of the ceremony
The middle rows can often look empty.
CookieWei/Shuttershock
Guests often don’t fill in the middle rows of chairs at a wedding ceremony.
Even though the first and second rows are typically reserved for inner-circle guests, the rest are usually open to all.
So if you see those middle rows are empty and the event is about to begin, please move up. It takes the ceremony from looking bland to full of people the couple cares about.
Don’t bring people who aren’t on the invite
If the person’s name isn’t on the invite or you weren’t granted a plus-one, there’s a reason — probably that the couple doesn’t have Scrooge McDuck levels of cash.
Kids can sometimes be an exception to this rule, but couples usually proactively make it clear whether or not children or invited. Look for that guidance before you ask.
Make sure to do the pre-event reading
Between reading the details and filling out a survey, being invited to a wedding can feel like a part-time job. But please take 15 minutes and do it all anyway.
Couples don’t send that information for their own amusement, and these days, a lot of that extra paperwork has to do with your own health and safety.
One of the worst faux pas is to show up to an event and not know the boundaries, like bringing a vaccine card or wearing a mask.
Don’t verbally or literally snap at wedding vendors
Treat everyone at the event with respect.
Nick Starichenko/Shutterstock
I understand you really want my attention, but snapping your fingers isn’t a great look.
If you are physically able to do so, come to me. I’ll likely meet you halfway, and then you can share your question or concern, human to human.
Don’t verbally snap at the vendors, either. This is happening more often this year as tensions run high (and bar tabs run even higher), so check yourself and consider defusing situations around you.
The service staff is in the midst of an extremely busy event season and have their own pandemic trauma to deal with, so don’t compound other people’s pain because your gin and tonic is taking a little too long to make.
Please RSVP, especially if you can’t come
If there is one thing I wish guests did, it’s RSVP. Couples are always forced to play phone tag with anywhere between five and 50 guests.
That may not seem like a big deal to you, but the couple you care about has half a dozen wedding vendors asking them for a headcount.
You shouldn’t assume anything about the event you’re attending
We often imagine a certain type of wedding in our mind based on our experiences and the content we’ve consumed, but you shouldn’t assume anything about the event.
Though, as the couple planning their big day, you can actually use that image in everyone’s head to your advantage.
Are there certain things guests may expect — like hair and makeup, first dances, or toasts — that would be beneficial to acknowledge? Can you give people the tools they need to respect others, such as pins that share pronouns?
While planning the event, consider the opportunities that would allow the people you love the most in the world to get to know you better.
Trust the couple to plan the wedding they want
It’s best to support the couple you care for on their big day.
Hill Street Studios/Getty Images
People often assume that the couple planning a wedding doesn’t know what they want because they’ve never done this before — but in nearly all situations as a guest, you should trust them.
If they tell you they don’t want a KitchenAid and instead ask for cash, give them money. If they’re skipping dancing even though you love it, go out after the wedding. If the bar is all cash, keep your snide comments to yourself until you get home.
When in doubt, think about how you’d like to be treated if you were hosting this wedding and the compliments that would lift you up during a particularly stressful, expensive, and emotional time.
