Mom furious over wedding invite not including her kids sparks debate

A mom declaring her hatred of child-free weddings has split opinion amongst Mumsnet users.

Posting to the parenting site’s Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum on November 6, user Knittingpandas described child-free weddings as “weird” and “discriminatory” to guests with children, sparking a heated debate amongst commenters.

Although some users were also against child-free weddings, the majority felt the woman was wrong to expect an automatic invite for her kids. In the poll attached to the post, 74 percent voted that KnittingPandas was behaving unreasonably.

‘That’s Their Prerogative’

According to wedding planning website The Knot’s 2022 Wedding Boom Report, an estimated 2,600,000 weddings will have taken place in the U.S. by the end of 2022—or 7,123 weddings a day. The report also found that couples are eschewing tradition in favor of personalizing their big day, and that extends to the guest list.

Ellie Durbin, wedding planner and founder of The Aisle Assistant, said that couples should have the celebration they want, even if it means some people can’t attend.

“If that means they do not want children at their wedding, then that’s their prerogative,” she told Newsweek.

“They likely have thought through the fact that this might mean some guests will decline the invitation.”

Durbin said that couples opting for child-free weddings often don’t want the distraction or potential interruptions that children can cause, or want their guests who are parents to enjoy the party without worry. Although, with weddings becoming increasingly expensive due to inflation, some couples simply don’t have the budget to include children on the guest list.

However, the downside of a child-free wedding is that guests with kids might not attend, whether due to childcare issues or anger over their children not being invited.

“The main reason to invite children to a wedding is that it makes it easier on parents who won’t need to worry about childcare either at home or in a different city,” she said.

“The easiest solution is often to bring the kids to the wedding and ultimately that might be what allows them to attend. You may also get a few cute photos.”

‘It’s Not About You’

In her post, Knittingpandas said she has been invited to a child-free wedding, but is “not familiar with the concept.”

“How is it possible to invite adults only?,” she wrote. “I mean if parents go to the wedding then who is supposed to look after toddlers, babies etc.?

“Is it a way to say to people ‘we invite you but please don’t come?'”

Knittingpandas said she has no family or support to look after her children during the event, calling the decision to not invite children “weird and discriminatory.”

“If you want someone to share the joy and happiness with you then you must welcome their other half and, of course, children under 18 years old!” she continued.

“Where are they supposed to stay while their parents celebrate with you?”

A few posters agreed with Knittingpandas’ thoughts on child-free weddings, with user1474315215 saying they “hate them.”

“Weddings are about joining and creating families and children should be central to that,” they commented.

PeekabooAtTheZoo agreed, writing: “I think its silly. There are probably exceptions but weddings used to be for people, not some self centered photo extravaganza of money gluttony to appease the Insta gods (or photo album gods).”

However, the majority of users felt that KnittingPandas was being unreasonable, with SpideyCraw commenting: “It’s not about you.”

“It never ceases to amaze me the amount of guests who think a bride and groom who want an adult event should instead pay for and host a glorified kids party for their benefit,” she said.

“It’s up to the bride and groom who they want there,” wrote HoneyLuLu. “If anyone doesn’t like that kids are/are not invited they don’t have to come.”

While Badgirlriri said: “I wouldn’t want crying babies or loud kids ruining my wedding. They cry and mess about because they’re bored! I doubt they even want to go.”